September 4, 2002

I've been thinking about calling Depresso Guy something different. The name Wicked Starfish came to me as a replacement. Wicked Starfish came about because when the darkness comes he latches only the base of my neck. I pictured a giant starfish suctioned onto me centered at the base of my neck with one arm suctioned to the back of my skull, one arm suctioned on each shoulder, and the last two stretching down my back. The Wicked Starfish tries to spew forth darkness into my brain and body while sucking the energy out of me. It's a very wicked starfish. Maybe I should just go with The Darkness. Although I do like the imagery of the Wicked Starfish. But I also like the more humanistic sounding Depresso Guy. I suppose I could use all three interchangeably; after all, darkness takes many forms. The Wicked Starfish lost today. 

September 3, 2002

Sometimes I get this sinking feeling of dread. He creeps up behind me and rest himself upon my shoulders. He has a name: Depresso Guy. I feel him sneaking up. He lets himself down upon me ever so slightly that I can never tell the exact moment when he lights upon me. But I know he is here. He is not a part of me. I did not create him. He comes from a very dark place and tries to cloud my mind from the light. When he comes it feels like my spirit is wearing a heavy winter coat that provides no warmth. He always comes back, though I've sent him away many times. He always comes back, though he always loses. And he always will. Depresso Guy is delusional and pathetic. He thinks if he keeps trying someday he will succeed. He doesn't understand that he will never succeed because he is darkness and only will starve my soul. My hungry soul seeks the light where Depresso Guy cannot be. So he always loses, and always will. 

September 1, 2002

Sundays are so nice. It is an absolute joy to spend the day with Faye and Doug. Church was good. Bishop Levin extended a call to me today. I will be serving as the Sunday School President. I'm really happy to have a calling. It's nice to be able to serve, and I'll do my best. I'm looking forward to it. When I attended 2nd Ward in Tucson I taught gospel doctrine for about 2 years. I really liked it. I hope to have teachers that will teach most Sundays but I hope to teach one a month or so, but not much more than that. I'll get sustained next week then get to work. 

August 27, 2002

We ran late last night because for family home evening we took some cake over to the Barton's and visited with them for a while. Wayne has been sick and we thought some cake might cheer him up a little bit. Yesterday we found out that the apartment managing thing isn't going to work out, so that's was a little bit of bad news. Oh well. 

Oh, I forgot to mention that there is another LDS guy who is just starting law school too. He's in the University Ward also. His name is Patrick Jenkins and he's a great guy. We're in different sections at school so we don't see each other too much but it's nice to know he is there. We're going out to lunch on Friday. That'll be fun. 

August 25, 2002

Today was nice and relaxing. just a peaceful day at home. After church that is. Malea and I gave talks in church today. They both went good.

August 21, 2002

It's been difficult for us to get to bed on time and as a result I didn't make it to school at 7:00am like I wanted to. Tonight we are on schedule. Hopefully, we'll make it. It just seems like there is always something that keeps us up. I did get up at 5:00 and prayed and read my scriptures but, when reading, I couldn't even focus on the page. It was like my eyes were open but my eyeballs were still asleep. I felt like a zombie so I laid back down and got some more sleep. 

August 18, 2002

Last night I forgot to elaborate on the blessings that keep pouring in from attending the temple. Basically, if we didn't go to the temple, we never would have found out that it was illegal for our landlord to charge a triple deposit and we likely never would have gotten the process started to become apartment managers. 

Today was nice. Church and relaxation. Bishop Levin asked us to speak next week so I started preparing my talk also. He let Faye and I chose our own topics and we decided that I will speak on faith and hope, and Faye will take charity and love.

August 17, 2002

The blessings of attending the temple keep pouring in. Let me try and explain. Last night when we stopped to pick up James from the Pearson's, we sat down and talked for a little bit. We got to talking about our apartment situation and I mentioned how our landlord decided to charge us an extra month of a security deposit even after we has signed a lease and already paid a 3 month deposit. Our landlord was real concerned about this and scheduled a meeting with us today to tell us we needed to give him an extra month of deposit on top of the 3 we already paid. Bishop Pearson, himself a property owner, last night told us that it was illegal for our landlord to charge us more than a 2 month deposit and said we should ask for the 3rd month deposit back. 

Armed with this knowledge, we were ready for the meeting today with our landlord. When the meeting began, our landlord asked us a bunch of questions about how much money we had in the back, where our money was coming from, and so on. When he got done he told us that he decided to not charge us for a 4th month of deposit. "Well," I said, "we did our homework and discovered that the LA County Rent Commission doesn't allow landlords to charge more than a double security deposit." To which he responds, "Oh I know that, but I don't do that." Can you believe that? I told him we wanted the 3rd month deposit back since he collected it illegally. He refused. We settled on using the 3rd month deposit for our 7th months rent and he let us have a month-to-month lease instead of a year lease. We like having an easy out if we want to move and we'll be here at least 7 months with the school year. 

Even better, Diana Pearson called us today and said she may have an apartment manager job opening up soon that maybe it would work out for us to become apartment managers. 

The lesson of the day was pride. Our landlord gave us an easy out on our lease which would put him out all the rest of the money we would pay him over the course of us living here just because he wanted to operate above the law. Before we left the office, he said to us, "Don't disappoint me" which I translated into "don't leave and take your money with you." Those words are now burned into my brain. "Don't disappoint me." The ironic thing is that he is the one who was so quick to give us the way out that will disappoint him. O landlord, the pride of thine heart hath deceived thee. And I thank you. 

August 16, 2002

Faye and I have been hoping and praying for some friends. I especially, have been praying that Faye would be able to find a friend quickly. This evening Scott and Diana Pearson babysat Doug while we went to the temple. While waiting to be led into the endowment room, a guy sat next to me and we began to talk. He is just a little older than me and he and his wife moved to LA two and a half months ago after he graduated from BYU. I, of course, told him we were new in the area and told him a little about myself. I said to him that our wives need to meet. They live just a few miles away from us. As we were walking to the endowment room, he and his wife a little bit ahead of Faye and I, I told Faye about them. Faye asked, "Is their last name Schultz?" It turns out that Faye talked to her on the phone two months ago when we were looking for leads on places to live. Faye hit it off really well with her over the phone and told me that she thought we would be good friends with them. Well, in the move and everything, we lost their number, they lost ours, and even though we live in the same ward (Lakeside Ward), since we are going to the University Ward who knows if we ever would have met up with them. It was a miracle. They have been looking for friends too. 

As I sat down in the endowment room my heart swelled with thanksgiving to Heavenly Father for answering our prayers. It is humbling to know that Heavenly Father led us together to meet in the temple. Truly the Lord hears and answers our prayers. Truly the Lord blesses us when we attend the temple. 

August 13, 2002

Last night I gave Sean a call to say hello and let him know how everything was going; and, surprise, surprise, he and Jessica were in San Diego! They are down there on vacation. So today we drove down to see them. We got there in the afternoon and hung out in their hotel room until the got back from the zoo. It was great to see them and what luck that we got a hold of them when we did. Today is the only day we would have been able to see them and it worked out great. Brent and Colleen Donovan were on  vacation with them. Brent also served in the South Dakota Rapid City Mission with Sean and I. 

The greatest thing about the future is who I will spend it with. Faye is the inspiration of my life, she gives me the reason to dream big and work hard. I love her so much. Only God in Heaven, His Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost have had a greater impact on my life. I'm sure that will always be the case. Life with Faye is life to its fullest, and the future with her is the brightest future. 

August 11, 2002

We went to church today at the University Ward and found a home there. It was great. We both felt really comfortable and everyone was so nice to us. I'm glad we found it. This evening we went over to dinner at Wayne and Melinda Barton's apartment. They are from the University Ward. It was so nice of them to invite us over. We had a really good time. 

August 4, 2002

We went to  church this morning to the College Ward, next week we'll go to the University Ward. Since we go to neither of those schools but are students we get to pick. We could also go to the Lakeside Ward, which is the ward we live in but we've decided to attend one of the student ward to be able to make more friends and be around more people who are in a similar situation to ours. The bishop's wife invited us over for dinner tonight. The missionaries were there and also another couple from the ward. The bishop's wife is really nice. So in the bishop, but she is especially.

August 3, 2002

We got a letter from my mom today. She talked about priorities and putting the Lord first. That reminded me that when school starts I hope I always get up 15 minutes early to make time to pray and read the scriptures. I know if I do that I will be better prepared to face the demands of law school. In fact, setting a goal to read and pray each morning will probably help me as much with school as any school related goal because I know that when I put the Lord first he will bless me with the enlarged abilities I need to succeed in law school. That is my goal, to pray each morning, and to read the scriptures for 15 minutes or so each morning before I do anything else. That will help me succeed as much as anything I could do. I know the Lord will bless me if I seek Him, and I need His blessings as much as ever, and I want to be near him.

July 28, 2002

Yesterday morning a little after 6:00am Faye and I rolled out of Phoenix. Faye drove the Honda and I followed her in the moving truck. The ride went really good. Doug slept much of the time and didn’t fuss much at all. Driving into L.A. was great. It was so neat to be driving into the city we will live in with all our stuff on our backs (so to speak).  I loved driving through downtown on the 101. I can’t wait to go downtown and explore. In the daytime of course. The temperature was perfect. We got off the 101 at Highland and it was just beautiful, I was smiling just feeling lucky that I get to live in such a place.  

We made it to our apartment about 1:15pm and promptly signed our lease and got keys and stuff. Our help from the College ward was supposed to show up at two so we got started unloading and waited for our help. It was quite a trip to our apartment from the truck. We had to go from the street, down into the garage, onto the elevator, up two flights, down a short hallway, turn right, down a long hallway (I’m guessing 30 or 40 yards) that inconveniently had 6 steps in the middle of it, and finally to our door, the farthest possible apartment in the building from the elevator. 

It would not ave been so bad except no one ever showed up to help. What would have been a two or three hour job turned into nine. There comes a point when the body is being pushed to to its physical limits that the brain stops telling you how exhausted you are by essentially shutting down all capacity except what is needed for the task at hand. That happened to me at about 5:00pm. By that point I was completely exhausted and felt like my brain was oatmeal because if I had any more function I probably would have gone crazy because of the absurdity of it all. Where was Doug you ask? On my back in the carrier. So here I am, with a baby tied to my back, pulling furniture off a moving truck and making the trek to the apartment. The best part was the stairs. Dollys and stairs and heavy furniture is simply comedic. Hours would pass and we crawled along. 

We must have seen everybody who lives in this building at one time or another and had plenty of sympathizers but no offers to help. I take that back, one girl, I think her name was Kate, carried the iron for me from the elevator to the apartment. And that was all the help we got. Every last item we own was dragged into our apartment by Faye and I. There were times when my brain decided to function just enough to burst out in exhausted involuntary laughter. 

Just when we had it all about done, just a few odds and ends left in the truck, Faye dropped a dinner tray and smashed her toe.  It hurt her really bad, I didn’t mean to laugh, but that’s all my brain would let me do. 

When we finally got done in the dark of the Hollywood night we of course could not return the truck so we found a fairly inconspicuous spot a little higher up in the hills to park the truck until this morning. The whole time we were unloading the truck was illegally parked, but no one seemed to mind except one lady who the truck didn’t really inconvenience that much. 

Anyway, we collapsed into bed about 11:15pm and didn’t want to move a muscle so I didn’t write in this journal last night. Actually, I didn’t even realize I didn’t write until this morning. But, of course when we wanted nothing more in the world to fall asleep Doug wanted nothing more in the world to crawl all over us. And since we didn’t have his crib set up he got to, until Faye got fed up and put him screaming in his car seat and strapped him in. And that was the last thing I remembered until this morning when I awoke to sore muscles, especially my forearms and back, and a sea of boxes and misplaced stuff. So today we got some well deserved rest and after a late morning nap we got to work setting our place in order. And now we are going to bed again. 

I forgot to mention that I tried calling the guy from the College ward and left a message for him. He finally called back around 10:00pm, but by then we were just about done and I wasn’t in much of a mood and didn’t have the mental capacity to talk. Just as we were falling into bed, there was a knock on the door and it was him. He wanted to come and apologize. Again, I wasn’t in much of a mood, and didn’t have much mental capacity to talk. But I guess in some weird way it was nice that he came over. Also, the first thing this morning we took back the truck, after than was our mid morning nap. I think that’s about it, except for the gay people and prostitutes, but I won’t get into that.

July 26, 2002

Here it is! Our last night in Arizona. There was a beautiful sunset this evening. I’m excited to move. I can’t wait to get settled in.

July 25, 2002

We picked up the moving truck today and I spent a few hours this afternoon loading it up. I got quite a bit done; I took my time and tried to pack it tight. It was very hot as is typical for July around here, it was also fairly humid. I drank a lot of water and sweat a lot. I’m so excited about moving. One more day of the desert then California here we come! I’m so glad. In the future we may look back on this move as the most important we ever made. It is changing the nature of my career, where our family will be raised, and we will be in a city where we don’t have any relatives. This move will change just about everything for us except us. Thankfully, we will be the same.  Or, if it does change us, I’m sure it will change us in good ways.

July 24, 2002

It was 155 years ago that the Saints entered the Salt Lake Valley and Brigham Young declared, “This is the right place.”  Only the hand of God could have guided the Saints on such an exodus and He still guides the Saints today.  How lucky I am to live in such a blessed day and age!

July 23, 2002

We spent the day in Tucson. It’s nice knowing we have lots of reasons to come back to Tucson so I don’t feel too sad about saying goodbye to all the things I like about it. We spent the evening with my family. It was nice to spend some time there just hanging out like usual. Home is a place where just being there is great, without even anything exciting going on. It’s just nice because it’s home and family is there. We said our goodbye’s to everybody then headed out. Faye and I talked on the drive about our feelings about our move to Los Angeles. Of course, we each have our own anxieties about life in a place we’ve never lived but my anxieties are mainly about school and not having as much time with Faye as I want while Faye’s anxieties are about trying to get adjusted into a new big city largely by herself with Doug in tow. It’ll be a big move but I know we’ll do just fine, and before we know it LA will be home.

July 21, 2002

I should already be asleep, it’s pretty late. But I wanted to make sure I wrote. I wrote a letter to Neal today. He’s in Bluewater, Virginia. I asked him all sorts of questions about serving a mission. Hopefully he will answer some of them. He is a wonderful brother. He is one of my favorite people to be around. He is so easy going and fun. I wish I could be a missionary with him. Underneath his over-the-top, crazy sense of humor is someone more serious than you might think at first. I miss him. I know the two years will go by quickly for him. I’m just afraid it will seem like an eternity for me.

July 20, 2002

What does it mean to be a righteous husband? I’ve been thinking about that a little today. What does Faye need? What do I give her? Faye needs love. Do I give her the love she needs? Faye needs me to always treat her with respect and to consider her thoughts and feelings and possible reactions before I say or do things. Sometimes I say things that come out wrong and I upset her. When we talk about it, I realize that the words I used didn’t convey the message I was trying to get across. In simpler terms, sometimes I say stupid things. The worst part is that I don’t even feel the things I say, it is as if sometimes I think I need to say something and without considering my words, something stupid comes out. I need to change. I love Faye so much. She is such a wonderful wife and mother. That I would ever do or say something to offend her sickens me. I need her like I need water. She fills me up as a deep breath of mountain air and is the fire that I feel burning inside me. I pray that I will always be the same to her. I believe that I am, and always will be.